


Looking for You in a Crowded Room (when I know you won't be there)

by ornatelydecoratedplate



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 5+1 Things, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-25 15:28:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20914361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ornatelydecoratedplate/pseuds/ornatelydecoratedplate
Summary: 5 times Lance looked for Keith when Keith wasn't there and 1 time he was.





	Looking for You in a Crowded Room (when I know you won't be there)

**I.**

Lance was excited to start at the Garrison. He had worked so hard to get into the selective program, and his family was so proud when he was accepted. Things went great at first—Lance met Hunk and they became friends right away, soon incorporating Pidge into their little friend group.

And then there was Keith. As soon as he saw Keith, Lance knew he was going to be special. Keith stood out of the crowd because of his distinctive hairstyle, and for some reason, Lance just knew by looking at it that Keith was someone he wanted to know.

And so the rivalry began—Lance and Keith, neck and neck. Keith was not quite a friend, but a constant, warm presence in Lance’s life. They would spend most of their free time together, competing over something silly or keeping up some funny banter, insulting each other but not quite meaning it.

Lance got so used to Keith always being around that he started turning to say stuff to him only to find that Keith wasn’t there. Like when he was in cargo piloting simulations with Hunk and Pidge. There was no reason for Keith to be in his classroom, Lance knew, but he found himself searching the room for that mullet anyway. In the simulator, Lance found himself wanting to joke with Keith and brag about his flying abilities, even when he and his crew weren’t doing so great.

“Relax! You know what they called me in flight school, mullet?—I mean, uh…” Lance ended up spluttering while frantically trying to keep their shuttle in the air.

“Maybe you should focus on your boyfriend when we’re not about to crash the simulator and fail this class!” snapped Pidge.

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Lance yelled back, “As if I’d go out with someone with _that_ hairstyle…or that personality…or that fashion sense…” Lance rambled on.

Hunk puked.

Keith was probably off who-knows-where.

They failed the simulation.

**II.**

Some things changed after Keith got expelled—it was a lot quieter, and the friend group saw a lot less drama. But Lance couldn’t shake his habit of looking for Keith wherever he went. Even as the weeks passed, Lance found himself looking for Keith’s mullet in the crowd, expecting to look up and catch those purple eyes.

It was starting to get to him. Keith was never going to be there, not anymore. There was so much Lance wished he had done differently, so many things he wanted to tell Keith but never did, and he knew he’d probably never have the chance now. But he kept looking, even though he knew that Keith would never be there.

In the still moments when everyone else was busy with homework, Lance would look up, bored, ready to challenge Keith to a silly competition, then just put his head back down. 

During lunch, when Hunk and Pidge steered the conversation toward engineering stuff that Lance didn’t understand, he zoned out and thought about Keith. He looked around once for good measure, but Keith wasn’t there. He wasn’t supposed to be there. 

Lance felt lonely.

**III.**

Lance needed a distraction, that was all. He just needed to get his mind off of Keith and the Garrison and Keith and his failures as a fighter pilot and _Keith_. 

Just a distraction. That was all Lance needed to keep himself from looking for Keith everywhere. It wasn’t like he was still absolutely hung up on Keith, not at all. 

So that’s how he and Hunk ended up sneaking out if the dorms at night for a little team-building. That’s how they ended up following Pidge to the roof and hearing about Voltron for the first time, how they ended up watching the return of Takashi Shirogane, not dead after all, how they ended up seeing—

“Keith!” Lance exclaimed. Because this time, he was actually there. “I’d recognize that mullet anywhere!” Lance wondered if it had been this easy all along—the one time he didn’t find himself looking, Keith had just appeared.

So of course, Lance didn’t want to waste any time with unnecessary questions. Keith was back, and there was no reason they couldn’t pick up right where they left off. So in the true Lance-and-Keith fashion, Lance launched into one of their friendly arguments.

“Nope, no, you—no, nonononono, no you don’t! I’m saving Shiro!” he yelled while running to help Keith, who stared blankly back at him.

“Who are you?” Keith asked, seeming shocked by Lance’s presence. Perfect. He was playing along with the argument. _Just like old times_, Lance thought.

“Uh, the name’s _Lance_. We were in the same class at the Garrison?” 

“Really, are you an engineer?” Classic Keith. But Lance started to wonder if they were ever going to acknowledge the situation for real. He decided to keep up this little joke for now. Keith could make the first move.

“No, I’m a pilot,” Lance said carefully. “We were like rivals, you know, Lance and Keith, neck and neck!”

“Oh wait, I remember you. You’re a cargo pilot.” 

Keith’s voice dripped with contempt as he spoke. _Something’s wrong_, Lance thought. He and Keith had their differences, but Keith knew that was a sore spot for Lance, and he was a good enough person that he wouldn’t just bring it up to hurt Lance like that. 

“Well, not anymore. I’m fighter class now, thanks to you washing out!” Because two can play that game. Lance knew that Keith’s expulsion was not something to be talked about lightly. 

“Well, congratulations,” Keith spat out, and Lance knew there was no going back. Keith was really angry. But so was he—who forgets about a good friend like that? _Not that Lance would admit they were good friends, but still._

And when they all ended up piling onto Keith’s hoverbike and high-tailing it to his desert shack, Lance figured he’d be able to talk to Keith seriously once they got to safety. But as he should’ve predicted by the way the evening had been going, it wasn’t going to work out the way he hoped. Because as soon as he looked Keith’s way to try to catch his attention, Keith had already gone to talk to Shiro. Of course, the one time Keith’s actually there, he’s not really _there_. 

Of course Keith didn't have time for him anymore. Of course Shiro was Keith’s priority, _of course_ Keith didn’t remember him—it’s not as if they were even really friends to begin with! Just…they weren’t _nothing_ to each other. And Keith should’ve known that. Lance and Keith may not have been the best of friends, but he knew some things about Lance that no one else did and was there for Lance sometimes when no one else was. 

Lance watched Keith and Shiro through the window of Keith’s house as they talked outside. _Probably because they don’t trust us_, Lance thought. Because after all he and Keith had been through, that made sense. (_Not_).

As Keith and Shiro talked, Lance looked at Keith and wondered what he was thinking. _Does he really not remember me? Did I do something wrong? Does he actually hate me? Did he think we were friends? Will he think it’s weird if I try to be his friend?_

And when the only times Keith didn’t outright ignore Lance were to insult his intelligence and piloting skills, Lance knew he should probably forget about being friends. _Maybe they weren’t meant to be anything more than rivals._ Lance mentally kicked himself for getting hopes up—_of course Keith would be too mean to be a good friend._

But Lance was still confused. If Keith’s the one who _forgot Lance existed_, why did Lance feel like the idiot?

**IV.**

Lance woke up as he was tumbling out of a healing pod and into Hunk’s arms. 

“Good to have you back, buddy,” Hunk said while holding Lance upright. Within seconds, the team crowded around to see Lance. He scanned the cluster of his friends, looking for that familiar mullet, those piercing purple eyes. But they weren’t there—Keith wasn’t there. _But of course he wouldn’t be. It’s not like they were friends._

“You know it! I hope you guys weren’t too bored without me,” Lance forced out, trying to sound enthusiastic. “Where’s the mullet man? Too scared to come say hi to me?”

“Actually, Keith’s still in his healing pod,” offered Coran. “He’s in the one right over there.” 

Coran pointed to the pod next to the one Lance had been occupying. Lance couldn’t help but wonder—if Keith weren’t in a healing pod, would he have come to see if Lance was okay? Lance tried not to get his hopes up too much.

_Keith probably didn’t care._

**V.**

For the fifth time that week, Lance found himself standing in front of Keith’s door. Keith had been away on his special Blade mission for almost a month. _(Lance didn’t miss him. Not at all.)_

He thought back to the conversations he and Keith had before Keith left. They were almost friends again, and Keith had just left, even after everything they had been through together. Even after Lance had come to his room in the middle of the night and confided in Keith about his insecurities, _that wasn’t enough to make him stay_. 

Lance pictured Keith opening the door with his grouchy (_cute_) face and gleaming eyes, ready to continue whatever fight Lance was about to pick with him. And for some reason, he let his heart soar with the possibility. 

But Keith was gone. Again. 

**+1**

After a while it got easier to stop thinking about Keith so often. Slowly, Lance stopped wondering what Keith would think of everything that happened, stopped thinking of things he meant to say that Keith would’ve gotten a kick out of. But Lance couldn’t stop looking for him. It was second nature to keep an eye out for that mullet and those weird (_beautiful_) purple eyes wherever he went. He still wanted Keith to come back.

So of course when Keith called in to say he was almost home, Lance panicked. _What was there to say to him? Was it possible to pick up where they left off instead of starting over like they did last time they were separated for a while?_

When Keith got to the castle, everyone went to greet him. Lance tried to gauge their reactions to his return but was too nervous to pay much attention. Lance prepared to see the skinny boy with a mullet and purple eyes that he remembered.

But when Keith finally came into view, he looked different. 

“Wait, how do we know you’re the real Keith and not his bigger, cooler, grizzled older brother?” Lance blurted out. The boy he remembered, the image he’d held onto for so long because that was all he had—that wasn’t the person standing in front of him.

“I don’t have time for this, Lance!” Keith fired back immediately. _Well, some things never change_.

“Hey everybody, Keith’s back!” Lance exclaimed, not caring that Keith probably insulted him. 

Keith sent everyone to the control room so they could be briefed about the situation they were facing. 

“Lance!” he called out as the group started to make their way through the castle. “Can I talk to you? Krolia can handle the others for a while.”

“Uh…sure, mullet man!”

“How have you been?” _Really? They were missing an important group meeting for small talk?_

“Fine, I guess. A little lonely without you, but we managed,” Lance said carefully.

“I—I left for you, you know.” _Wait._ “I know I said to leave the math to Pidge, but I saw an opportunity to help and you just looked so sad—I wanted to do something for you and this was my chance and I—”

“Keith!” Lance interjected. “I missed you.”

A weight felt like it had been lifted off Lance’s chest. He had finally said it. Even with the silence stretching out between the two boys, Lance felt better than he had in months.

Lance was startled out of his thoughts when he was suddenly tackled into a hug.

“I missed you too,” Keith spoke softly into his neck. “I won’t leave you again. I can’t. Everywhere I went I would look for you. Or I would go to tell you something and you weren’t there, and I just can’t go through that again.”

“You don’t have to,” Lance reassured him. “Every time I look, you’ll be there now. And I’ll always be here.”

Lance knew the weight this promise carried, but he took it on gladly. Because he knew what it was like to look for someone in a crowded room with no chance of finding them. And as far as he was concerned, Keith would never have to endure that pain. Because that’s how far he would go for someone he loved. 

**Author's Note:**

> I've been trying to write this for a really long time and I finally got it done! The idea for the story was from a poem I wrote about my own experiences with the same title, but it reminded me of a certain beautiful blue boy, so I made it into a story about Lance. This is my first published work, so if it's terrible please just don't say anything :)


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